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You Are Where You Deserve To Be

Hawaii aaahhh untitledWhat we love about this message is that it challenges us to take responsibility for where we are and for the outcomes we are receiving.

Why don’t we have the things that we want? Ever think it’s because we don’t deserve it?

Of course we don’t. “I deserve what I want. I work harder than the kid driving a Lambo because his dad’s a millionaire. What did he do to get that car? Nothing! Am I right?”

Nope. I don’t deserve the Lambo because I haven’t done what I need to do to get the Lambo. That kid did exactly what he needed to do; he came out of the right lady, and was born into the right family. What he doesn’t have: the opportunity to EARN the Lamborghini… more on that in a bit.

We spend so much time wishing and complaining, that we fail to come to grips with the fact that we have everything that we deserve to have. We’re as happy as we should be because our attitude and outlook on life determines our happiness.

We’re as successful as we deserve to be because we’ve put in the amount of work that determines the amount of success we’ve achieved. We’ve also risked and sacrificed what is necessary to be where we are. No more successful, and no less successful than we are right now.

We’ve done what’s necessary to be where we are at this very moment. We HAVEN’T done what’s necessary to achieve everything we want to achieve. Otherwise, we’d be there.

Now what about the spoiled rich kid driving that Lambo… Why shouldn’t we be ticked off at him from being born with a silver spoon while we have to work our butts off for everything we want? Or what about our friend who has had everything go their way in life; don’t we have the right to be mad at him?! We’re slaving away here, and he’s off in South America living the good life, that lucky son of a gun.

Yah, we have that right if we want to be a sour, jealous, shadow of a human being for the rest of our lives… on second thought, no we don’t have that right. But we do have an opportunity. A great opportunity.

The kid with the Lambo and the silver spoon will never have the greatest opportunity a person can ever have: the chance to elevate their status, to work hard, and to EARN. I have this opportunity. This gift. This blessing. And so do you.

We can be sour, mad, and jealous of our friend who’s had some good breaks. But will he feel the same towards us when we achieve our success? Probably not.

So where do we stand?

Exactly where we deserve to be standing.

Success, no matter how you define it isn’t a right. It’s something that has to be earned. Wherever we are right now in life is where we deserve to be.

Sometimes it sucks to say this because some very hard working and deserving people don’t get the breaks that others get. Sometimes this leads to a change in attitude or a break in their faith. The shaken faith can lead to a lack of hope. The lack of hope can lead to poor decision making, which can lead to more bad breaks ending in a life that had promise, but was never realized.

We are never put under circumstances that we can’t handle. Believe it? 

If you do, when times get tough and life seems unfair, you’ll know that you can handle it. That no matter how dark life gets, it’s nothing but a passing phase. Like the night is before daybreak. The darkness will always pass if you’re strong enough to stand through it.

If you don’t believe it. If you instead become angry that life isn’t going your way. If you resent other’s success and hate the world for the lack of your own, the darkness will never cease until you decide to change how you view it.

Yes, we are where we deserve to be. Even more, we are where we’re supposed to be.

No higher. No lower. thanks Joel brown

Only you can create the change that will determine the most important position: where you end up.


Workout Smarter

A lot of people at the gym feel they are putting maximum effort into their workouts but aren’t getting the results they were hoping for. The main reason for this is that they are not working out efficiently. In this article we are going to take a little look at how you can get the most out of your workout sessions, so you can achieve your fitness goals faster.Many people who are attempting to lose weight by cardiovascular exercises go about it the wrong way. They attempt to push their body to the max. What ends up happening is that they can’t maintain that level for long enough. In order to get the weight loss benefits you have to keep your heart rate at an elevated level, but not at max, for at least 30 minutes. Instead, you should slow down the pace to something which you are comfortable with and are able to do for longer periods of time. This is one of the most efficient ways of losing weight and building up your fitness levels. Once you’ve increased your fitness levels and have lost any excess weight you may be ready to move into higher intensity workouts. High intensity workouts should be done under supervision because when intensity is increase often form decreases and there is a greater chance for injury.

One tip for your cardiovascular exercises is to try to incorporate interval training. This is where you work out at a slower pace to begin with, then you do a quick burst of high intensity work out, and then return to a slower pace. You do this for set time limits. This is an incredibly effective way of working out, and you will most likely be able to go for long periods of time. This type of training is going to be of particular benefit to runners.

Did you know that strength training exercises can also help improve your workout sessions? For example, a short strength workout can burn off many more calories than a longer cardiovascular workout. This is because muscle tissues are used which require more energy to work than any other tissue in your body. There are plenty of easy to follow strength workouts which you can incorporate into your regime. Remember, strength training doesn’t necessarily mean you are going to get big and bulky. In fact, this only happens if you continuously push yourself over the edge and vastly increase your protein intake. Of course, for the most efficient workouts you will want to combine strength with cardio training. You may also want to look into ‘super sets’ which pack more into your workout in a shorter space of time.

One of the biggest tips I can offer for training more efficiently is to go in with a training plan. Know exactly what you are going to do and when, and stick to it! Start by choosing your fitness goal and work out a regime, with the help from a Trainer. Once you’ve reached that goal you can set another goal and adapt your workouts to reach that goal. Going in with a plan will keep you focused and bring purpose to your exercise routine.

There are many ways to train more efficiently and effectively. Fitness Trainers and Fitness Consultants have the knowledge to help you achieve your goals safely without injury. Use them to improve your workout routines.

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Take A Hike

Many people spend hours and hours in the gym because they believe that this is best way to get into shape. To a certain extent it is, however, there are a number of reasons why you may want to incorporate hiking or walking into your exercise regime. Let’s take a little look at a few of these reasons.As you can probably guess, hiking and walking are cardiovascular exercises. This means that this exercise gets your heart pumping and your lungs working. As a result, it will have a much greater effect on reducing heart disease and the chance of heart attacks. You will not get this same sort of benefit by weight lifting alone.

Walking is also fantastic for relieving stress. If you choose to walk in a beautiful area, you won’t even know that you are exercising! Walking is well known for releasing some of the ‘feel good’ chemicals such as adrenaline and endorphins. These help to boost your happiness levels, and of course make you feel less stressed. When you’re feeling over worked and stressed out walking can help clear your head while at the same time incorporate exercise into your busy day.

It can also be a social activity. You can go out walking with your friends and use that time exercising to catch up and trade stories. Just like running clubs you can also find walking or hiking clubs in your area. Joining these clubs is a great way to meet new people and improve your health. When you combine exercise with social activities it keeps you motivated to carry on with your exercise program.

I know I have already mentioned some of the benefits that hiking can bring, but let’s take a little look at them in even greater depth:

  • Improved Cardiovascular System, for example, your blood will flow better, heart will work more efficiently and your lungs as well. In short, you will be much fitter.
  • Improved Muscles. Hiking is great for building up the muscles, and is a fantastic break from the gym. You won’t be putting your muscles under too much of a strain either.
  • Combats various problems with the body. For example, the chance of type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol.
    <li.One of the best methods for weight loss. In just an hour you can burn 370 calories, not a lot compared to some activities, but it won't really feel like a 'workout' and is a great starting point for people who haven't exercised before.

  • Great for sleeping better. Studies have shown that those who regularly engage in hiking tend to sleep better at night.

In order to feel the benefits of hiking or walking you don’t really need to devote much time to it. All that is required is around 30 minutes a day for five days of the week. Surely you can manage that amount of time? Trust me, incorporating hiking into your exercise regime could perhaps be one of the best decisions that you have ever made.

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Shed Pounds by Eating Breakfast

Fat loss is on the top of many people’s lists these days. People will try all sorts of weight loss programs only to be disappointed with the results. Trend diets may give quick results but they are not a long term solution to weight loss. Still the most effective way to successful weight loss is eating a well balanced diet including a healthy breakfast. It’s true when they say breakfast is the most important meal of the day and here are the reasons why.

Before delving into the facts, let’s just take a look at the definition of breakfast. Breakfast comes from the words breaking of fast. You might ask, “When did I fast?” The answer is, from the time you went to sleep until the time you woke up. So, how can breakfast actually help to lose weight? When you skip breakfast, you’re more likely to crave food later in the day and make poor food choices. When hunger hits unexpectedly you will be tempted to snack or eat fast food which is high in calories, sodium and fat.

If we think about the way our bodies store and use calories you’ll understand why it’s important to start our day with a proper meal. We burn most of our energy during the day while we’re at work or at play. Our bodies need to use the calories from what we’ve consumed to exert the energy. By eating when we wake up we’re able to use those calories throughout the day. As our day winds down we need fewer calories. In Western cultures we typically eat our largest meal in the evening. However, consuming most of the calories at the end of the day is counterproductive. We don’t burn as many calories during our sleep as we doing being active during the day. The calories we don’t burn off at night stay in our system and eventually turn into fat. Therefore, it makes more sense to eat are largest meal in the morning, a slightly smaller meal at lunch and an even smaller one in the evening.

It’s not just about having breakfast. The foods you choose to eat are also important when trying to lose weight. The best breakfast options include protein, carbohydrates and healthy fats. Foods high in fibre are also a good choice. An example of a well balanced, healthy breakfast is a hard-boiled egg, whole grain toast with peanut butter and a piece of fruit. Yogurt with almonds or another unsalted nut is also a good choice. In the colder months oatmeal with fruit is a great options as it warms you up and makes you feel full for longer. Although it’s not a great choice to have every day, fried eggs and bacon can be enjoyed every once in a while.

If you’re rushed in the mornings and don’t feel there’s time to start your day with a healthy meal there are some other alternatives. A smoothie made with low fat milk, fruit, yogurt and a little protein powder is great for someone on the run. Another option would be to grab a protein bar on the run. Choose one that has a normal level of protein and not something overloaded with protein. Also, read the labels and avoid the bars that have a lot of added sugar or artificial flavors. If you have the time there are many recipes out there for you to make your own protein bars. That way you know exactly what’s going into them.

Speak with any dietician or nutritionist and they will all say that breakfast is extremely important for weight loss or maintaining a healthy weight. Make a good start and you’ll be pleasantly surprised when you start to lose the weight. You’ll also notice that you’ll be making healthy food choices throughout the day.

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The Dark Side

Health conscious people avoid it like the plague and some doctors will tell you to refrain from eating this high calorie, albeit, delicious treat. But wait just one second before you ditch the dark chocolate or swear off it forever for fear that it will add inches to your waist. As it turns out, research now shows that dark chocolate may have a myriad of health benefits which outweigh the risk of weight gain. Here is a closer look at the dark side and why dark chocolate is good for you.

You would have to live under a rock if you hadn’t heard the craze about eating foods rich in antioxidants. If a rock is where you call home, here is the gist; antioxidants fight off free radicals within the body. Free radicals have a negative effect on our body’s cells and can damage them in a way that they no longer perform the duties they need to. The result is that we age faster and research has shown that these radicals increase the risk of certain types of cancers.

It just so happens that antioxidants are found in dark chocolate, and thus, eating dark chocolate in small doses a couple times a week may help your body and cells remain protected from damaging free radicals.

Vitamins and Minerals Abound
Another benefit of dark chocolate is that although it has sugar, it also has a lot of good stuff that is beneficial to the body. Even a small dose of dark chocolate offers vitamins and minerals such as potassium, copper, magnesium and iron. Copper and magnesium in particular are necessary to ward off cardiovascular disease such as strokes and heart attacks, while keeping iron levels up ensures we prevail over diseases like anemia. Magnesium assists in combating other heart diseases and is also helps fight off type 2 diabetes.

Memory and Brain Function
Studies also unveil that dark chocolate contains the active ingredient phenylethylamine which plays a pivotal role in how our brains function. When phenylethylamine is released into the body, it also releases endorphins; the same endorphins that make us feel happy and giddy. If you’ve ever fallen in love, gotten butterflies in your stomach or just felt like you are walking on water because this new person is in your life, you have experienced a high level of endorphins being released. Dark chocolate has the same effect.

Dark chocolate can also be credited as helping your blood flow to the brain easier. When our blood flows without restriction, the result is that we have better memory recall and our overall cognitive functioning increases or improves. The next time you need to study for a test or remember that grocery list, consider popping a few squares of dark chocolate.

Other studies conducted showed that dark chocolate also may have anti-clogging properties for the blood, and in fact, may lessen the risk of blood clots which are a leading cause of heart attacks and strokes.

Sugar Control
Most types of chocolate tend to be high in glucose, which causes diabetes. Dark chocolate however has a much lower placement on the glycemic index and therefore unlike milk chocolate and other foods, won’t increase your sugar levels as high. Since poor blood flow and bad circulation can increase your risk of diabetes, or affect those already being treated for diabetes, the antioxidants in dark chocolate will help counteract the risks of diabetes.

Because dark chocolate contains as much as 70 percent of flavonols, which deposit antioxidants and anti-inflammatory components into the body, the effect may be that our LDL levels (bad cholesterol) may decrease and our HDL levels (good cholesterol) may increase.

Unlike light or white chocolate, which is very high in sugar and fat, dark chocolate is not; that fact combined with all the positive properties such as vitamins, mineral and flavonols means that the benefits of dark chocolate far outweigh the risk of gaining weight.

As with any other food, for dark chocolate to be effective for our health and not a detrimental it should be eaten in moderation. A small serving two to three times per week will do the trick and as long as you remain minimally active, it is unlikely that eating this amount will cause noticeable weight gain.

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Body Chemistry

Body odor is unpleasant , and yet, what causes the odor is one of the most natural processes in the human body. There are times when body odor may become stronger than usual and if we’re unprepared and can be embarrassing. In this article we are going to take a little look at a couple of ways in which you can reduce your body odor, or perhaps eliminate it all together. Follow these tips and you will be smelling fantastic!

Firstly, try to keep your clothes clean. Smells linger around clothes, and they will get worse the longer clothes are left to ‘fester’ in their own filth. Wash your clothes after each wear. Even if you don’t think you sweat in those clothes your body will have release some sweat and oil into the clothing fabric which will create bacteria growth over time. Washing your clothes regularly even with a mild detergent will help to eliminate any odor causing bacteria.

Make sure to bathe regularly as well. When in the bath or shower use soap or body wash to remove the dried sweat from the body. Once a week exfoliate the skin with a gentle body scrub or a loofa. Exfoliating will remove and dead skin cells which can trap dirt and oil. If you still find that your producing body odor even after regular showers than you may want to switch your body wash to an antibacterial soap. After your bathe you want to ensure that you dry yourself off properly.

Know the difference between antiperspirants and deodorant so you’re able to choose the correct one for you. Deodorant masks odor but does not prevent you from sweating. Antiperspirant has an odor fighter but also blocks the sweat before it hits the surface of the skin. Aluminum is the most common ingredient used to prevent sweat but there is some controversy surrounding the safety of this ingredient over prolonged periods of time or in high dosages. Consult your doctor if you are concerned or have further questions about the use of aluminum in antiperspirants.

Finally, you may want to change your diet if you find that body odor is a problem that you can’t quite shake. For example, did you know that eating too many fatty or spicy foods could contribute towards severe odor issues? Alcohol, Garlic and Onions also enter your blood stream and can change the way that you smell. Try to incorporate more fruits and vegetables into your diet.

Put a couple of these tips into practice and you will be smelling fantastic before you know it!

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Exercise Strengthens The Mind Of An Aging Population

The fitness industry has been preaching exercise to an aging population for better health and
physiology. Recent research has been espousing the benefit of exercise for mental performance as well.
Researchers have long noticed that active seniors suffer less cognitive decline than sedentary ones,
and recent studies suggest that aerobic exercise may make us sharper at any age.”The expression `use it or lose it’ applies both to mind and body,”
— Colin Milner, CEO of The Council on Active Aging

The latest link between exercise and the brain comes from two studies in the Journal of the American Medical Association.
One study based on degrees of walking for exercise of senior men over 70 years of age, discovered that those men who walked
very little had twice the risk of dementia as those who walked more than two miles a day.

A second study showed that women 70 and older who were more physically active scored better on cognitive tests than those
who were less active. Women who walked for at least an hour and a half each week did better on the tests than those who
walked for less than 40 minutes.

Exercise Improves Brain Chemicals

We all know exercise triggers the release of endorphins, morphine-like chemicals that blunt pain and foster relaxation.
We learn from the Institute for Brain Aging and Dementia at the University of California, Irvine that active people of
all age groups are happier than couch potatoes, and less prone to depression and suicide.

That’s because aerobic exercise improves blood circulation and delivers more oxygen to the body and brain.
Strangely, it also causes an array of chemical changes within the brain. It boosts the activity of mood-enhancing
neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin. It increases the production of brain-derived neurotrophic factor, a
chemical that helps neurons multiply and form new connections.

Use It or Lose It

According to the ICAA (The International Council on Active Aging), the studies are a crucial link in the chain of research
on physical activity and aging. CEO Colin Milner told The Orange County Register, “The expression `use it or lose it’ applies
both to mind and body,” he said.

“But it’s also important to remember that if you lose it, you can find it.”
Milner went on to caution how to encourage seniors to exercise by choice of words.
Many seniors view strenuous exercise as
painful. Milner advises, “If we’re to sell our older loved ones on the idea of exercise, we should mention how it can give
them more energy and make them feel empowered so that they can maintain their independence.”

Source: The Orange County Register

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Fitness Destinations

It may seem strange, even for you the reader, to say that Caribbean vacations, specialty spa resorts and skiing in Colorado are all getting old and boring. Perhaps a fitness vacation could be in order to spice up your old vacation habits. If you have thought about this already, you are among many others who feel the same. With all the pressure for us to become and remain fit, thousands are now taking their vacations to a whole new level. Destination fitness vacations are the latest rage, and here you will see why giving them a shot could be the best thing you have ever done. Here are some amazing fitness vacation destination hot spots.

Cinque Terre
Located in northern Italy, Cinque Terre has gained popularity over the last decade and is one place that must be considered if a fitness vacation is what you’re after. There are 5 towns or “lands” as most refer to them that make up the Cinque Terre: Riomaggiore, Manarola, Corniglia, Vernazza and Monterosso. Each of these lands or towns has something to offer in the way of nightlife, wineries, museums and lots of historical sites. Enjoy a nice meal in any of the quaint town’s waterside or embark on a scuba or diving expedition. Also there is the infamous walking trail which is 11 Kilometers long in total. Throughout the hiking path there are many challenges to be met for the fitness enthusiast.

Crystal Cruises
If you have your heart set on a cruise but still want a vacation that is active, Crystal Cruises are a great choice. On board guests can enjoy a state of the art gym, many holistic classes like Yoga and Pilates or take a jog on the boat’s top track while viewing the sea and enjoying the breezes. The menu aboard this cruise line is packed with nutritious meals and snacks and the ship makes plenty of pit stops along the way so you can still enjoy shopping, a cocktail or dining when you need a break from getting fit.

Hawaii is a popular tourist spot and SwellWomen combines the luxury of sunbathing in the tropics with the perfect fitness vacation destination. One of the main activities on this vacation is paddling which just happens to be one of the best ways to tighten and tone those hard to reach spots. The packages also include surfing lessons, some snorkeling and Yoga Classes. There is sure to be something for everyone. SwellWomen caters to their female clients, but also has vacation packages for co-ed, couples and single males as well.

New Life Hiking Spa
Killington, Vermont is where this fitness destination is and for a U.S. vacation it has a lot to offer those who want to stay moving and get inspired to be fit. These vacations include hiking in the Appalachian Mountains, swimming, and even wellness workshops where you can learn about nutrition. They also offer cooking classes, spinning and Yoga. With so many activities to do, and being surrounded by beautiful foliage and nature, this fitness destination is somewhere everyone should consider.

The Amansala Resort in Tulum, Mexico
Perhaps the only thing that could make a vacation to Mexico better is a fitness buff embarking on their Amansala vacation. The most popular one here is referred to as a “mini boot camp” and it isn’t for the faint of heart. This vacation will not only teach you how to get your body in tip top shape, it will give you a powerful kick start. Activities include all kinds of body sculpting classes, classics like Pilates and Yoga, kayak sessions and abdominal classes. Once your workouts are done, enjoy sunbathing on the beach and eating one of their many low-fat meals specially designed to not interfere in your weight loss goals.

For the animal in you, taking a one week fitness excursion in Kenya may be just what the doctor ordered. This week long fitness vacation will be like no other that you have ever had. Along with getting into shape, guests can expect to see some cool wild life, eat some local and healthy fare as well as shed pounds. Most of the fitness routines here take place in the beautiful outdoors such as runs along the amazing beaches and swimming obstacle courses. Each day will bring with it a run as well as a couple tailored exercise sessions. For down time you can also attend one of the tour guided safaris or wade in the crystal clear oceans.

There are many other options for a fitness vacation; if you want to put aside the usual lazy days and step up to something truly unique, challenging and adventurous, all while bettering your health, a fitness vacation just might be worth a try!

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Half Full: The Power of Positive Thinking

When Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret was published in 2006 and later that same year a movie was made, millions jumped on the power of positive thinking bandwagon. Incredibly, Byrne was merely spouting principals that had already been published for centuries, and yet her “secrets” were digested as the best thing since sliced bread. For those who believe the glass is half full, the power of positive thinking is not only a revelation, it is a way of living, which may reap abundant rewards.

For thousands of years, large populations have been assuming that humans simply sending their positive thoughts out into the universe is enough to bring about positive results. The quote “What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind” is from the Buddhist religion and followers hold steadfast to this principal; that simply having a positive outlook can create inner wealth.

The Wiccan religion is also one that utilizes the power of positive thinking as a catapult to send out hopes and dreams into the universe. In this religion, Wiccans believe that any emotion, be it positive or negative, has the power to shift how humans feel and think. They also believe that there are Gods and Goddesses who answer with powerful life lessons and good fortunes. Whether religious or not, many people believe in karma coming full circle, whether positive or negative.

Additionally, some folks who have been faced with serious health issues and life stressors starkly believe that the power of positive thinking not only got them through the tough times, but very well may have saved their lives. These people include Gabrielle Giffords, who after being shot in the head and living to tell about it, has gone on the record numerous times stating that it was her positive outlook, as well as medical treatment that helped her recover.

New York Giants Mark Herzlich took the same approach when he was diagnosed with bone cancer two years ago. Although doctors repeatedly told him he would never play football again, Herzlich chose to believe that he would, and never allowed himself to fall into depression. Instead, he remained optimistic that he would beat his cancer, and by all accounts, he has. He also believes that the advances in medicine as well as positive thinking and a good attitude contributed to his beating of the deadly disease.

Those factors however are spiritually based. For those who don’t believe in a particular religion, there is still science. So what does science tell us about the power of positive thinking? A lot actually. Numerous studies have been conducted in an effort to define whether or not positive thinking can better our sense of well being, and our overall health.

Various studies have shown that people who suffer from long bouts of depression tend to have higher instances of diseases of the heart and liver. Another study that researched female Alzheimer patients concluded that those women who were not stressed and who had a more positive outlook on life fared much better in their recovery and memory recall than those who were overtly depressed or stressed.

Recently a group of law students who were in their first year were studied and samples of their immune cells were taken. Samples from both students who had a positive outlook of the coming year, as well as students who felt unsure or insecure were taken; mid-year the same researchers continued their study and found that the students immune cells who set out on their paths with optimisms and confidence were much healthier than those who were worried or concerned.

The study went on to say that when we are stressed, our bodies may release stress hormones, which then make their way into the bloodstream, causing the immune system to deteriorate and therefore makes us more susceptible to illness and disease.

The Scientific American journal has long reported that people who are more positive or practice the power of positive thinking may have a 55% lower risk of disease, especially diseases of the heart and mind.

Although much of the research on the topic of the power of positive thinking is still mystifying, and scientists still aren’t entirely sure why positive thinking may increase health, there is a lot of interesting and semi-conclusive research that points to positive thinking as having some effect on the mind and body. We will have to wait to see what future studies unveil.

What is known however, is that thinking in an upbeat and positive manner when confronted with life’s challenges certainly does make them easier to deal with and get through, as millions have reported.

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Avoid Conflict After Work

In a perfect world, returning to your home, a place that should offer safety and solitude and being greeted by the love of your life, would go something like this: you walk in after a long day of work, throw open the door, run to your loved one and submerge yourself in his arms, breathing in the smell of his cologne and letting the troubles of the day melt away. What realistically happens looks more like this: You pull into the driveway after a hellish commute, fumble with your keys as your cell phone rings off the hook, your spouse is lounging on the couch and barely notices that you have walked in at all. It’s not long before the two of you embark on a bickering match that may or may not be justified. The art of learning how to avoid arguments after work is not complicated. It comes down to a few acknowledgements and some subtle adjustments on both yours and your partner’s part.

The latter scenario is the one that probably resonates with you. Your tense from the long drive, exhausted from the day and probably a little jealous that your partner is already home lounging. The nerve. It takes maybe moments for the both of you to go to battle and start picking each other apart, to the point where you aren’t even sure what you’re arguing about or why you are so mad.

This is more than a common occurrence for couples. We are conditioned these days to get more done in less time. While at work you are paid to take care of everyone else; your clients, boss and even play therapist to co-workers. Couple that will a nightmare commute, overtime and perhaps even being trapped in a job that you despise. It’s a recipe for disaster. Because it is not acceptable to lash out at work or look distressed, the overwhelming events of the day have been bottled up for hours. By the time you get home, you’re ready to release that venomous rage on the first “safe” person you see; your partner.

Human condition dictates that we let those whom are closest to us see the anguish, hurt, stress or pain we are enduring. Therefore we consider our partners to be safe people, that we can torment emotionally and take our aggression out on because we know they most likely will still be where when the storm blows over. On a deeper level, we know that they understand us, understand everything we have to deal with daily, and though we may be being unreasonable for the moment, we also know we will be forgiven. Besides, it feels good to yell and bicker sometimes. But regret at some point soon will follow.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could mirror scenario one most days and not have the arguments after work at all? Or at least on fewer occasions? There are some very simple things that can be done so that these arguments don’t become too frequent and damaging to your relationship over time.

Hold Up the White Flag

A white flag during times of war was a sign of surrender. The first 30 minutes upon your arrival home are very indicative of how the rest of the night can go. Declare to all parties that are home with you after work (partner and children) that for 30 minutes from the time you walk in the door, that you are off limits. Hold up your white flag. You are surrendering to yourself. You are giving yourself 30 minutes to decompress, change into comfortable clothing or maybe have a cup of coffee in silence before you engage in the activities for the evening.

By giving yourself these precious moments you will be able to lower your blood pressure, regain some composure and just breath, without having to deal with anyone else or their needs. It’s time for you. You can certainly walk in and say hello; then make a quick exit to another room and do whatever it is that will allow you to get into positive and relaxed head space.

Share and Share Alike

It is also a great idea for you and your partner (and kids if applicable) to set a time for all of you to connect. This could be over dinner, or while preparing dinner or set aside an hour after the kids are in bed. This time is designated for you and your partner to complain, whine and share your day’s events.

The key here is balance. Since you both (or all) may need to get some things off your chest, be respectable with your time, meaning don’t hog it all. Hit only the highlights of the day, ie. how your boss treated you poorly, the co-worker that hijacked your entire lunch hour with her own personal issues or the client that you just couldn’t please. Then allow your partner to vent as well. It may be that on any given day one of you will need more support than the other.

End the conversation with something positive so that you can set the precedent for the rest of the evening. And thank your partner for being supportive and allowing you to vent.

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