Tag Archives: relationships

Avoid Conflict After Work

In a perfect world, returning to your home, a place that should offer safety and solitude and being greeted by the love of your life, would go something like this: you walk in after a long day of work, throw open the door, run to your loved one and submerge yourself in his arms, breathing in the smell of his cologne and letting the troubles of the day melt away. What realistically happens looks more like this: You pull into the driveway after a hellish commute, fumble with your keys as your cell phone rings off the hook, your spouse is lounging on the couch and barely notices that you have walked in at all. It’s not long before the two of you embark on a bickering match that may or may not be justified. The art of learning how to avoid arguments after work is not complicated. It comes down to a few acknowledgements and some subtle adjustments on both yours and your partner’s part.

The latter scenario is the one that probably resonates with you. Your tense from the long drive, exhausted from the day and probably a little jealous that your partner is already home lounging. The nerve. It takes maybe moments for the both of you to go to battle and start picking each other apart, to the point where you aren’t even sure what you’re arguing about or why you are so mad.

This is more than a common occurrence for couples. We are conditioned these days to get more done in less time. While at work you are paid to take care of everyone else; your clients, boss and even play therapist to co-workers. Couple that will a nightmare commute, overtime and perhaps even being trapped in a job that you despise. It’s a recipe for disaster. Because it is not acceptable to lash out at work or look distressed, the overwhelming events of the day have been bottled up for hours. By the time you get home, you’re ready to release that venomous rage on the first “safe” person you see; your partner.

Human condition dictates that we let those whom are closest to us see the anguish, hurt, stress or pain we are enduring. Therefore we consider our partners to be safe people, that we can torment emotionally and take our aggression out on because we know they most likely will still be where when the storm blows over. On a deeper level, we know that they understand us, understand everything we have to deal with daily, and though we may be being unreasonable for the moment, we also know we will be forgiven. Besides, it feels good to yell and bicker sometimes. But regret at some point soon will follow.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could mirror scenario one most days and not have the arguments after work at all? Or at least on fewer occasions? There are some very simple things that can be done so that these arguments don’t become too frequent and damaging to your relationship over time.

Hold Up the White Flag

A white flag during times of war was a sign of surrender. The first 30 minutes upon your arrival home are very indicative of how the rest of the night can go. Declare to all parties that are home with you after work (partner and children) that for 30 minutes from the time you walk in the door, that you are off limits. Hold up your white flag. You are surrendering to yourself. You are giving yourself 30 minutes to decompress, change into comfortable clothing or maybe have a cup of coffee in silence before you engage in the activities for the evening.

By giving yourself these precious moments you will be able to lower your blood pressure, regain some composure and just breath, without having to deal with anyone else or their needs. It’s time for you. You can certainly walk in and say hello; then make a quick exit to another room and do whatever it is that will allow you to get into positive and relaxed head space.

Share and Share Alike

It is also a great idea for you and your partner (and kids if applicable) to set a time for all of you to connect. This could be over dinner, or while preparing dinner or set aside an hour after the kids are in bed. This time is designated for you and your partner to complain, whine and share your day’s events.

The key here is balance. Since you both (or all) may need to get some things off your chest, be respectable with your time, meaning don’t hog it all. Hit only the highlights of the day, ie. how your boss treated you poorly, the co-worker that hijacked your entire lunch hour with her own personal issues or the client that you just couldn’t please. Then allow your partner to vent as well. It may be that on any given day one of you will need more support than the other.

End the conversation with something positive so that you can set the precedent for the rest of the evening. And thank your partner for being supportive and allowing you to vent.

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Is It Love or Infatuation?

One of the most difficult questions to answer, it seems, is whether or not you’re in love with someone. Or is it merely just a really hot and heavy case of infatuation? The reason this is such a hard question to answer is because the signs of love and infatuation are almost interchangeable, at first, anyway. Of course, as time goes on it becomes easier to tell the difference but, by then, it’s usually too late.Starting with the very first meeting, you both will feel a strong pull towards each other. That’s easily identified as attraction. As you talk, this attraction becomes even stronger and you want to spend as much time as you can with this person. You agree to go out on a date and that leads to even more of a pull. Now this is where things get a bit tricky.

Suddenly, you have no interest in eating and you have trouble sleeping. Nothing really interests you other than this new person in your life. It’s almost like you have a mild case of the flu. That’s why it’s called “lovesick.” When your phone rings, you jump ten feet and nearly kill yourself in answering it because you just KNOW it’s the object of your current affections. If it turns out to be someone else on the end of the phone, your heart plummets and you can barely wait to end the call.

Taking it further, when you know you’re going to see this person, your hands are sweaty and you can’t stop pacing. You check your look in the mirror over and over again, needing to look your absolute best. This is the stage when EVERYTHING this other person does is cute. It doesn’t matter if his table manners are atrocious or her laugh is enough to set most people’s teeth on edge, these are the traits of your current beloved and there has never been a more perfect person. The two of you can’t stand to be apart. You never run out of things to talk about, and you can’t keep your hands off of each other.

Now, up to this point, these symptoms may simply mean that you’re infatuated with each other or it could, indeed, be true love. Give this stage about six weeks to a full two months. If his ability to belch the entire alphabet has lost its impressiveness or her constantly interrupting you in the middle of talking is no longer charming, this might be the beginning of the end. Suddenly, you CAN stand to be away from each other for days at a time. This may mean that things are starting to settle down a bit. Now, this still doesn’t mean you’re not in love, but it does show that you’ve moved out of that “honeymoon” period that all relationships enjoy.

The true difference between infatuation and love is that even after you’ve stopped thinking everything each other does is cute and wonderful, you still want to be together, you just might be in love. If you find each other disgusting at this point, it was all a wonderful dream, or infatuation.

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Single Parenthood and Dating

Just because you are a single parent and your first priority is your child does not mean that you should forget about your needs too. We all need to feel that we are loved and that we have someone we can depend on. This is especially true for single parents who are single handedly raising their children with minimal or no support.Single parents can definitely date but they must know their priorities and have firm rein on their self-control. They must also know when something is appropriate and when something is not. They need to get ready though because the scheduling can be hard and there is also the added stress of juggling both the problems of being in a relationship (and there will be problems, I tell you! Every relationship has them.) and raising your child alone. Here are some ways to make dating easier for you.

Be honest

Right at the get go, be honest with your date and tell them that you are a single mother or a single dad. Trust me, you will be saving yourself a lot of time and heartache if you say this at the start. Some people are just not ready for a commitment with people who already have responsibilities. Remember that they will need to not only relate to you should the relationship continue, they will also need to relate to your child. It’s going to be a package deal and for some this can be pretty scary. So save yourself the waste and tell them right off.

Set the ground rules

You need to be clear about what your priorities are and it should be on your child and on no one else’s. That way, you will be in control of the situation and you know when you should rein in your actions. When the situation progresses from dating to a relationship, it is also good to be clear with the ground rules with your partner. This will minimize any discord and misunderstandings between you two. With him or her knowing where their place is, things will be a lot easier to deal with.

Involve the child later

Although it is not good to involve the child at the early stages of the dating because he or she might be exposed to potential father or mother figures that will quickly disappear as they have appeared; when things become serious, it is good to involve the child. This way you will be able to test if you all can be a family together and if your child is okay with the idea. For those who have raised their kids single handedly from the time of their baby’s birth, this should not be a problem but for those whose children experienced the attention of a father or a mother, wooing them to the idea of having another one can be a challenge.

Dating when you already have responsibilities is tough but if you play your cards right, you might end up juggling the two together well.

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Shy Guys Don’t Have to Finish Last

Shyness is something that many people experience to different degrees. Some are a little uncomfortable when it comes to meeting new people or speaking in front of a group of strangers. Other people are polar opposites and become debilitated by their shyness. Sadly, these are the men who typically never get a chance to show a woman what they have to offer because they are just too shy to even say “hello.” However, that doesn’t always have to be the case.To begin with, there are many women who simply ADORE shy men. There’s just something about a guy who is terrified to talk to women. He may be one of the greatest looking guys in the room, but he doesn’t know that. Believe it or not, that is, in and of itself, one of the hottest triggers for many women. They will locate this man with their internal heat seeking missiles and proceed to hone in on him. Most of the time, their approach is viewed with much trepidation by the object of their attention, as a truly shy man will be terrified that he’s going to have to talk.

Now, imagine his surprise when he does manage to look at the woman and see that she’s one of the most beautiful looking women in the place. Your first thought should NOT be “why is she talking to ME?” Instead, look at it as an opportunity. Obviously, she sees something she likes or she wouldn’t be standing in front of you introducing herself. Yes, you’re terrified, but please remember that SHE approached YOU and she will most likely be happy to start the conversation and maybe even carry a lot of it. However, you DO need to do your part to participate in the conversation or she’ll think you don’t like her.

If she keeps touching you lightly on the arm while talking to you, ask her to dance. Hopefully, you have learned at least how to do a decent slow dance. You’re not expected to be Fred Astaire, but it does give you an excuse to put your arms around her. This will tell you a lot about what her intentions are.
Smile a lot but don’t leer. Let her know that you’re enjoying her company. This isn’t impossible, no matter how shy you are. Again, keep in mind that SHE came to YOU. Always keep that in the front of your mind so that you can gain some confidence from it. This amazing woman found you interesting enough to walk over to you and start talking. The least you can do is talk back. It’s important that you show her you like her in an unobtrusive way.

When it comes time to part ways, if things have gone well, ask her for her phone number. By then you’ll be able to tell whether or not she’s interested enough to give you her number or not, so it’s not like you’re taking a huge gamble. Remember that she likes you and be brave….

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Long-Distance Dating

Long distance dating can be very difficult for some relationships when the couple wants to be together more often. Others enjoy long distance relationships because it gives them the time apart from each other to fully appreciate each other when they are able to be together.

Long-distance relationships don’t always last as long as short distance relationships.Many couples split up because the stress of keeping the relationship going becomes too much. In order to make the relationship work some couples find that one partner has to move to be closer to the other. This can also put stress on a relationship as that person may feel resentful for having to give up their home and possibly their career.

Couples living quite far apart will often use their vacation time from work and see each other on the holidays. It’s nice to be able to take vacation at the same time and meet in the middle or at a holiday destination. That way you can combine spending time with your partner with a mu



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Sibling Rivalry

The relationship we have with our siblings in most instances is the basis for all of our other relationships and how we make our way in the world. When children interact with their siblings they are testing and exploring the limits of social behaviour. It’s one way how children learn what to do when confronted with life’s challenges. Sibling rivalry is defined as competition between siblings for the love, affection and attention of one or both parents or for other recognition or gain. Sibling rivalry can be more noticeable and can also be more problematic when children of the same gender are close in age.

Tips for Parents
Ignoring sibling rivalry should be avoided, instead find positive ways to deal with the situation. Parents should try to treat their children individually and not compare them with each other. If one child is better behaved than another it’s best not to bring it up by comparing them. This action may intensify the bad behaviour if you tell one child that their


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Double Dating

Double dating is an excellent idea if you want to meet someone new and you aren’t quite comfortable with being alone with them yet. You can invite a couple you know to come along too.

This allows for you to be around people you are
comfortable with while you are getting to know your
date. Some people like to go on a double date first so
they are not so nervous on the first date.

Going on a double date also gives your date the
opportunity to get to know you through your friends.

It might be a good idea to invite a couple that will
say good things about you if you really like your date
and you want to see them again.

Your date can get a good idea with the type of person
you are by who you are hanging out with and the things
they say about you.

It is a really good way to get another perspective on
the person you are going out with or if you want your
date to know more about you.

Double dating provides a comfortable experience when
you don’t want to go out with











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Secrets to a Happy Marriage

  • Have fun together. Relationships are a lot of work but if you have fun with your partner the work is all worth it.
  • Laugh lots. Humour is important in any relationship so laugh together and laugh at yourselves.
  • Disagreements will happen. The key is learning to get past them. Pick your battles so you’re not fighting over every little thing. Never go to bed angry. Talk things through and even if you can’t come to an agreement, agree to disagree and make up before you go to sleep.
  • Know your partner’s moods and their reactions. If you know they are already in a disagreeable mood don’t bring something up that will cause a conflict. Learn to read your partners attitude and behaviours.
  • Celebrate with your loved one, even the small stuff. Praise them for all achievements big and small and never take them for granted.
  • Take time for each other. Even when life gets busy, schedule a date night together so you can reconnect without the distraction of kids or friends.
  • Relationships

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Kids Know It All

Try using these childhood behaviours more often and see the changes it brings to your life.

Eating
Eating the same foods that we feed toddlers will help control your calorie intake and can prevent weight gain. This is particularly true when it comes to what we give our young children for a snack as they are often healthier and more satisfying than the adult alternatives. Frozen grapes, mashed bananas and reduced-fat yogurt are great snacks for you and your child. When it comes to eating kids will also stop when they are full, unlike adults who keep eating until their plates are clean. Adults will do this even if they have had enough. If you start eating like a kid, grazing until you’re 90% full, you’ll feel healthier and may even notice some weight loss.

Exercise
Kids don’t dread exercise. Most of them don’t even know what a workout is, yet they’re healthy and full of energy. Kids burn calories in ways that are fun. Playing tag, jumping rope or climbing on the playground ar





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When a Friend Isn’t Good For You

When we are young we tend to lack criteria in our friend selection. At school age we will pick friends based on where they live or where they sit in class and less on their personality. We may even be forced to be friends with people because of what our parents say. Once we leave school and typically find out more about ourselves we are able to base our friendships on more points like personality, likes, morals and common interests.

The Good
At any age it’s important to be able to see the difference between good friends and bad friends. A good friend is someone you can trust and someone you can say anything to without fear of judgement. A true friend will be honest with you and realistic but will remain positive about your dreams and goals. They won’t put you down but will encourage you to be yourself and do your best. They will support you and help you. It’s not hard to find the right people but it helps if you look for the following in a friend:

  1. Someone who supports your





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